by Pat Collins CM

Excerpt from Reducing stress and finding peace (Veritas, 2002)

It is refreshing to spend time with oneself, becoming aware of what is going on within. St Augustine wrote in his Confessions: 'Men go abroad to admire the heights and mountains, the mighty billows of the sea, the long courses of rivers, the vast extent of the ocean, the circular motion of the stars, and yet pass themselves by.'

There is a story in the life of Dr Carl Jung that illustrates the importance of this kind of self-intimacy. Apparently a society lady phoned him to request an urgent appointment at 3 p.m. the following Thursday. Jung said it would not be possible because he already had an important appointment at that very time.

Well, on the Thursday the same lady happened to sail past Jung's garden which ran down to the shores of Lake Zurich. There was the famous doctor, his shoes off, sitting on a wall, his feet dangling in the water. As soon as she got home the irate woman rang Jung demanding an explanation.

'You told me,' she exclaimed, 'that you couldn't see me because you had an important appointment. Nevertheless I saw you at that very hour, whiling away the time at the bottom of your garden.'

'I told you no lie,' the doctor replied, 'I had an appointment at that time, the most important of the week, an appointment with myself.'

The purpose of time on one's own is fivefold.

•      Firstly, I listen to my own experience in order to recover my feelings which can often lurk unrecognised in the twilight zone of pre-consciousness.

•      Secondly, I try to name my feelings. Instead of saying 'I feel good or bad about the invitation to the wedding', I try to be more specific about what I feel, e.g. 'I feel delighted', or 'surprised' or 'scared' by the invitation.

•     Thirdly, I try to own my feelings, rather than thinking about them, or analysing them in a detached, dispassionate way. For example it would mean that instead of saying with a smile, 'I seem to have a lot of anger within me' I would say with a frown, 'I am very angry, because I feel hurt and humiliated.'

•      Fourthly, I try to understand my feelings to see where they are coming from. As John Powell once wrote: 'Other people can stimulate my emotions, but the causes lie within.' What perceptions, values, beliefs, or memories evoked such feelings. Have they their roots in the distant past, especially in childhood? For example, perhaps I was intimidated by a person in authority yesterday, and had an exaggerated desire to please him or her, but was disappointed and upset when s/he took very little notice of me. Could such a reaction be traced back to an overweening desire to impress one's parents in childhood in order to win their affection? Are such perceptions realistic now that I am an adult?

•      Fifthly, it is good to express one's feelings, to a friend in conversation, and to God in prayer. Once I become aware of what is going on within me, and why, all sorts of issues can be faced and sorted out in a way that reduces stress.